A petition sponsored by Philip Waters needs your attention. The petition seeks to change the current Idaho Divorce Custody Code from “Joint physical custody means an order awarding each of the parents significant periods of time in which a child resides with or is under the care and supervision of each of the parents or parties” to something that read similar to the following “Joint physical custody shall normally entitle fit parents to no less than one third overnights annually.”

This is definitely a move in the right direction. My only fear with this wording is that the courts will use this as a maximum rather than a minimum and will end up regularly awarding 1/3 when 1/2 would be more appropriate. Just my thought. Either way, go and provide you feedback.

The only draw back is that you’ll proabably have to regisiter with Care2 in order to sign the petition. Care2 is a social network site geared toward social causes and currently has about 9.7 million members. I haven’t used it very much but have had a profile for quite some time and am impressed with the number of activist that are speaking out.

Go offer your support.

Well, it only took about 5 years, but my son finally took a jab at me regarding the divorce yesterday. The conversation went something like this. (Quick back story: Two days earlier my son asked me if he could use $20 to buy the entire 6 book series of Star Wars.)

Kid: “Dad, how much longer do I have to read?”

Dad: “It’s only been 12 minutes. I’ll come get you when it’s been 30 minutes.” (Backstory: He has to read for 30 minutes everyday.)

8 minutes later

Kid: “Has it been 30 minutes yet?”

Dad: “No. I said I would come get you when your time is up.”

5 minutes later child enters stage left walking sheepishly.

Kid: “Can I stop now?”

Dad: “Son, why is it that you want to buy 6 new books when I have to force you to read.”

Kid: “That’s not true. I love to read.” (Back story: This is true to a large degree. He reads a lot at school and about 2-3 grade levels above his age, but we constantly go through this “how much longer” song and dance on the weekends.)

Dad: “Then why are you always running in here asking me how much longer you need to read. I don’t see why you want to go buy 6 more books when you’ve got books from a book fair two years ago that you haven’t read yet! You should finish the books you have. You’re going to go buy these Star Wars books and they are going to sit on your book shelf and collect dust!”

Kid: (visibily getting flustered with me.) “I can’t help it. I’m always reading more than one book. It’s because you got divorced. Now I have books at your house and books at Mom’s house. I’m always trying to keep track of reading more than one book.”

Dad (internally): Holy crap! Where did that come from. That’s the first time he’s ever thrown the divorce in my face. Okay, how to handle this? Calm down.

Dad: “Um. You have a backpack right?”

Kid: “Yes.”

Dad: “Here’s an idea (sarcastically). Why don’t you put a SINGLE book in the backpack and bring it back and forth to Mom and Dad’s house? Then you only have to read one. You’re backpack is basically made for books, right? Why don’t you use it?”

Kid walks away without saying anything, probably rolling his eyes. 

10 minutes later.

Kid: “May I watch cartoons?”

Dad: “I don’t know. Is my divorce going to make it difficult for you to watch cartoons.” (And, no I’m not proud of this comment, but in fairness it was not said meanly but rather jokingly.) 

So, there you have it. Not earth shattering, but it surprised the hell out of me. :)

David Mott provided me with a moment of affirmation today when I read his post Failed Marriage or Success on Dad’s House. David writes:

If they grew from the experience, it’s evolution. If being married forced that change, then maybe the marriage served its purpose and it’s a success.

While I’ve felt this way for quite some time it’s refreshing to have someone second the motion since I’ve felt the prejudice eye of society sizing me up. My divorce was the single most difficult event I’ve had to endure in my life. But, like most things that are tumultuous, I came out on the other side a better person. I’ve learned a lot about myself. You’re forced to when everything in your life changes. I’ve become more who I am, recognized my faults, owned up to them, and found a level of freedom I have never experienced. A lot of experience, strength, and hope from others has helped make that possible, but I’ve actively participated in the process.

Though it may sound strange, I see my divorce as a success. The bitter, damaging relationship that was my previous marriage served no one well. Everyone suffered. I believe in the importance of commitment, forgiveness, and tolerance, but it’s also important in life to know when to say uncle. When to recognize futility and preserve not only the self but others as well. Granted, these are primarily hindsight revelations. I wouldn’t say I’m the model for how to exit a marriage or deal with divorce on the onset, but that’s apparently what it took to get to where I needed to be.

Thanks David. We successful divorcees are glad we’re not alone.

So, after an absolutely RIDICULOUS amount of time upgrading my Wordpress blog yet again, it’s apparently operational. Now that I have that out of my system, on to other things. 

I got an email from my wife today telling me that one of her friends had fallen victim to a society that can’t seem to do the simplist thing - allow equal rights for divorced parents. Her friend, a father who has taken care of his child for years after the child’s mother decided to take off, woke up today to find out that she had taken the child and left. That’s right. Un-enrolled the child from school, packed a bag, and moved 400 miles away.

A little back story - the child’s mother had recently come back and essentially decided that she wanted her daughter now. Obviously, the father was not okay with this and decided to get a lawyer and get custody. They had no previous custoday arrangement - I’m sure partly because the mother had run off. Nonetheless, I guess the mother decided that court systems and her daughter’s wishes and well being were a real drag, so she just up and left with the daughter. 

This is heart breaking to me. I can’t even imagine how that would feel or what I would do in that situation. How do you deal with that? How do you react? Some might say, “go get the daughter back.” Seems logical. But not really. Not only do you have to consider the trauma of pulling the child back and forth, but that would look very bad in the court’s eyes. 

Lessons Learned: 
 

1. Get a good lawyer
2. Get a CUSTODY agreement. Even if it’s not ideal, it’s still supposedly enforceable. 
3. Don’t divorce a heartless psycho who’s willing to steal your child in order to satiate their own needs.
4. Tell your Congressman that you demand Shared Parenting legislation. 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you to this blogger. I would never have figured out my missing categories problem with the new Wordpress install otherwise.

Kudos to this person!