Well, they do go through stages. My son used to love scary movies and stuff too, his favorite movie was alien vs. predator when he was 3 years old. Then when he got a bit older I guess he started to process the actual consequences of being eaten, because now that movie freaks him out.

My parents tried to break me of weird fears of bugs, the dark, etc through force and it never worked. My dad made me hold a giant mayfly while I was screaming in terror, and it changed nothing.

I don’t know that there is really anything you can do to change who your kids are other than just be a good example and be there for them.

Take him to a child psychologist - the good ones sometimes have incredible insight into what makes our children tick.

Talk to his mother. Tell her what’s going on and ask for her support in getting him past his fears. Remind her gently that your son has two parents and two homes and despite the fact you and she can no longer live together you are both still his parents and must work together to do what’s best for him.

Talk to your son again. Ask what you can do to alleviate his fears. If he wants a night light then give him one. If he’s afraid of the dark leave a light on in the hall so when get goes to the bathroom at night he feels secure. Let him pick out some less scary sheets if that will help. Let him sleep with his door open and if none of that helps get a cot and let him sleep in your room. He may just be acting out his insecurities over your divorce.

Good luck

In my opinion the worst fear is the fear of the unknown.

Confront their fears. If a kid is afraid of things in the closet or under the bed then turn on the lights, go though the closet, move the bed, flip it over and look under it. Some kids have to see things for themselves. If a kid is afraid of dogs then start out petting a puppy and work your way up. Also tell him that not all dogs are good dogs.

You might stay out side and watch it get dark, walk to the gate and look for places where the robbers would hide.

The sun is a constant explosion already
but it has so much gravity that it doesn’t fly apart.
Our sun doesn’t have enough gravity to become a black hole.

The sun IS expected to become a red giant
a long long long long long long long long long (a million more longs) time from now
and engulf the earth BUT people on earth will have moved to a different planet (near a different sun) by then,
or just live out in space.

I WAS this kind of kid. Since that time I have traveled the world, been an Alaskan crabber and fisherman. I remember doing all the things your son is. It was a stimilus for me for a long time and then it got to be a damn near addiction. I think the things that worked best was my father taught me how to meditate at a young age… to breathe. It also helped to learn empathy for other creatures and people. That drew me out of myself a bit so I could see past myself. You might consider some of the techniques by Byron Katie in “The Work.” I have three kids I’m raising by myself and iit’s proved rather effective with their “thought” woes.

Thanks to everyone so far for all of the great advice. Michael, I was that kind of kid too. I used to lay awake waiting on the bomb to drop, and today. . . well. . . I don’t. But, anxiety was a struggle for a long time. I just hate to see my son go through that. He’s definitely a thinker. He’s extremely logical and reading books that are 2-3 grades ahead of him. His intellect wants adult ideas, but his emotional self has a problem assimilating it.

Also, thanks cyber_rigger for the suggestions. This is definitely something I will try. I’ve been hesitant to make too large of an issue out of because I’m afraid that will reinforce it or make it worse.

It would probably also help for people to know that I have been divorced/separated since my son was two (over 4 years). My son and I have a wonderfully close relationship, and he lives with me about 40% of the week. So, I’m not convinced that this is an issue directly related to the divorce itself. Perhaps ongoing communication past the divorce.

Anyway, thanks again to everyone so far. It’s is much appreciated.

A friend of mine told me the other day how she handled her daughter’s dreams of monsters coming to get her - she did not deny the monsters in any way, but instead said, “they’re coming to get the cookies! So all you have to do is give them cookies and they will stop chasing you.”

Try, perhaps, not saying, “there aren’t any burglars,” but instead telling your kid a way to deal with them when they come in. Ask him what he could do to make them go away, or to make them decide they don’t want to mess with him?

Perhaps try Kung-fu classes or some other self-defense/empowerment tactic.

Kathleen, Great Suggestion! In fact, my son has a Blue Belt in Tae Kwon Do. :)

My son (age 6 1/2) developed a very powerful fear of monsters, badguys, and the dark between the ages of about 4 1/2 that has only recently begun to let up. It was so strong, so palpable, that it took everyone by suprise (this was not in response to a divorce).

Even he (being hyper-articulate) would tell me that he knew that there was nothing to fear, but still was terrified. I think it is a physical reaction to stress and uncertainty more than anything else.

We addressed this a number of different ways:

1. We told him that our smoke detectors were actually combination monster/badguy/smoke detectors, and that if they weren’t going off then he was OK. This was a blatant lie, but an effective one. He seemed to feel better after hearing this, as there was something real to point at and feel safe from.

2. I let him sleep in my room in a mat on the floor when he was scared. He could come in when he wanted and leave when he wanted, but he had to make his own bed in both places in the morning. He did this a lot at first, but it trailed off quite a bit after he got sick of cleaning up after himself.

3. We worked on giving him ‘good dreams’ instead of bad ones. Before he went to bed we worked on finding the most positive, fun, interesting, cool stories that we could think of and he would concentrate on turning these into dreams. If he couldn’t think of one I would help come up with something, like he and his brother turning into the worlds first Power Ranger Kids.

4. Before we saw or read anything I tried to make sure there wasn’t anything even remotely scary. Even the news can be startling to a young child who is just developing the tools to process things. Eventually, he learned to recognize his own triggers and to tell me if something was not OK.

5. I started staying in his room with him while he falls asleep. I used to stay until he dozed off, which worked but took a LONG time. Now, at bedtime we read a story and he has 5 minutes with me in the room and then he is on his own. This seems to settle him and encourage him to get to sleep quickly and peacefully.

6. Most importantly, over and over we let him know that it is OK to be scared, and that these were real feelings even if they came from (what we thought were) silly reasons. We said over and over that ‘being brave’ was not having no fear but instead doing the right thing despite your fears.

Peace and Blessings!

Hi, my 7 year old son has become scared like that , too. He won’t go into a room unless the light is on, even in the middle of the day. He won’t go to sleep unless a light is on in the bathroom across the hall or in his closet. He won’t go outside by himself or go inside to the bathroom if the rest of us are outside, and this all usually starts the day he gets home from his dad’s. This time, it has lasted longer than ever before. He tells me he doesn’t know what he is scared of just that he’s scared. I dont’ know what to do, his dad is not very easy to communicate with so I know if I ask him about it, he will somehow blame me for doing something to make him that way.

Fear of “robbers” or others breaking in to harm one’s family are actually fairly common among children of divorce. Many children of divorce I’ve talked to have had those fears (as have I), Elizabeth Marquardt talks about it in her book Between Two Worlds, and the woman who wrote the Divorce Care for Kids curriculum confirmed that she has encountered this frequently as well. There could be lots of reasons for your sons specific fear, but it’s a fairly normal fear. Keep reassuring him that you love him, hug him and tell him again and again that he’s safe and that you won’t let anyone hurt him. Eventually it will get better, although he may keep remnants of it for a long time or even a lifetime.