As reported by Glenn Sacks, Karen Willis- of Karen’s Pizzeria in Hamilton, Ohio- and Cynthia Brown are at it again. They have a new deadbeat dads poster. Sacks suggests calling the Hamilton, OH hot line to let them know what you think about this despicable tactic that hurts fathers, mothers, and their children. Please, by all means, take the 5 minutes to flood their phone lines (513-946-5350). These type of witch-hunt tactics have no place in our society. While you are at it, feel free to contact Cynthia Brown, the director of Child Support Enforcement and creator of this campaign. As long as Karen’s Pizzeria and Cynthia Brown continue to participate, I will continue to post.

An update on my post SEO Professional and Angry Dad: A Dangerous Combination. I now have 4 of the 10 top listings in Google search for “karens pizzeria” and “karen’s pizzeria.” If they keep this up, I may end up with all 10.

According to a recent article on Psychology Today, open green spaces may curb the symptoms of ADHD in kids. The study had controls in place to ensure that their findings were actually a result of the children’s surroundings and not just a by-product of burning off lots of energy. The results are very interesting. As the article points out, it would be great to see children being prescribed time outside rather than a whole bunch of medications. According to the article:

Andrea Faber Taylor and Frances Kuo, researchers at the Human Environment Research Laboratory at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, have found that spending time in ordinary “green” settings—such as parks, farms or grassy backyards—reduces symptoms of ADHD when compared to time spent at indoor playgrounds and man-made recreation areas of concrete and asphalt. The findings were consistent regardless of the child’s age, gender, family income, geographic region or severity of diagnosis.

I have to say, that this doesn’t come as a big surprise to me. I grew up in a small, rural town in Mississippi. I lived outside as a child. I never wanted to come in. As a result, I learned a lot about myself and life. I learned about introspection, loss, beauty, solitude, and spirituality. After graduating from high school, I moved to Saint Louis because I thought I wanted to get away from small town narrow-mindedness. I did. But, I paid a price in the process. I’ve noticed over the last 13 years a decrease in my ability to focus, an increase in my temper, and, generally speaking, a bleaker outlook.

This weekend, I bought the book Last Child in the Woods. About 5 pages into the book, all of these things started to make sense to me. I have a love/hate relationship with the city. I love the diversity, the food, the bustle, and the convenience. But, I desperately miss the woods, the creek behind my mothers house, cutting wood for the winter, and the dead silence of the country. Lately, my girlfriend and I have struggled with this question. Where would we rather my son grow up? In a concrete environment rich in culture, or a more rural area where he can learn the joys of playing outside and explore life? Granted, we take him to parks and camping during the summer, but it’s still different. We live in the heart of the city. Tough question. I don’t see any easy answers.

I would love to hear other’s experience.

As all divorced fathers know, time with your child is a commodity. While I know that there are piles of research telling us we are horrible people for divorcing and that are children are destined to end up severely disabled emotionally, I’m not buying it. People overcome numerous obstacles in life, and, with the right guidance, typically learn something useful from it. I’m not entirely sure when we decided that living in a bubble of bliss was the measurement of a successful life. The world exists in dichotomy. Night/Day. Winter/Summer. Pain/Pleasure. It’s impossible to understand something without experiencing its opposite.

But, with that said, time is still precious for us, and making the most of it is an art form in and of itself. Here’s a simple idea to make better use of the time you do have with your child and build a tradition that they can pass along to their children.

Friday. . . Saturday. . . Ourday. . . Sunday

Choose a weekend day (unless, of course you don’t have your child on the weekends) and claim it as Ourday. Call it something special. I have a friend who’s son refers to it as “hangout day.” Then, make a tradition of doing something special that day. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. In fact, it’s better if it’s not, because something that requires hours of planning becomes harder to follow through with. So, keep it simple. It also doesn’t have to take hours.

Here are a few ideas to get you going:

• Make a special breakfast together every Sunday morning. Let your child help you plan the meal ahead of time. Go grocery shopping for the ingredients and spend your weekend morning laughing and getting a little messy.
• Go for a short weekend hike every Saturday. You can stick to the same beaten path or try to go someplace different each time. All that matters is that you do it consistently and that you’re spending time together.
• Have Popcorn Saturday, where you make popcorn, watch a movie, and snuggle. My son calls it a pajama party, and it’s a favorite of his.
• If you have the room, the money, and the patience, start a train set or some other ongoing hobby and work on it for a couple of hours each weekend.
• Take craft classes together or check out your local arts center.

All that really matters is that you enlist the help of your child(ren) and you do it consistently. It’s a simple way to stay close to your child, strengthen your bond, and create a new tradition.

This post has been removed. See my public apology to Alec Baldwin for posting the audio to his daughter in the first place.

Information on Parental Alienation Syndrome:

• Wikipedia: Parental Alienation
• Fathers Are Capable Too
• ParentalAlienationAwareness.com
• Parental Alienation Syndrome by Richard Gardner

If you haven’t visited Glenn Sacks‘ blog, you should. He always has a wealth of information on father’s rights issues. One of his most recent stories, Is This Man REALLY the “Second Worst Dad in Illinois”?, Glenn takes a look at the criteria we use as a society to determine the quality of a father. It’s pretty scary.

According to the story in the Sun-Times, Mark Saban (pictured with his children) is a horrible dad. In fact, he’s so bad that he’s the SECOND WORST father in Illinois. Why? Because he’s behind on child support! The Sun-Times doesn’t say it’s because he beats his children or neglects them. In fact, the story reports that he visits his children regularly. I should also mention that the Sun-Times reports that Mr. Saban apparently had a business venture fail which prevented him from being able to pay child support! And, by the way, he has paid some child support. But, he’s such a poor father that the Sun-Times felt it necessary to put him on the FRONT page! This is unethical journalism at its best. The damage this paper has done to this man is irreparable.

Of ALL the criteria I could come up with to determine what makes a good father, monetary support would have to be close to the bottom of the list. You know, after: loving, caring, interested, involved, and concerned. And, in case anyone is wondering, my father never paid my mother a cent of child support when I was growing up. I would still rate it last. As a child, I would have given anything to have him involved in my life rather than have a new pair of shoes.

If this is Illinois’ 2nd WORST father, then they are doing okay.

Normally, I try and stay away from too many Oped pieces. It’s enticing for sure, but when I started Divorced Dads Matter, I envisioned it as a place of information, news, and support for divorced and divorcing fathers. But, I can’t help myself today.

Waiting in the car for my girlfriend last night, I was listening to On Point on NPR. There were a couple of expert guests including Katherine Newman, a professor of sociology at Princeton University and author of “Rampage: The Social Roots of School Shootings“* and Stanton Samenow, forensic psychologist and author of “Inside the Criminal Mind.” They were discussing the Virginia Tech shooting. It was mildly frustrating listening to the guest host trying to draw some secret connection between the shooter and the fact that 3 professors were killed. Then they went to the phones, and my mild frustration rocketed to complete bewilderment.

One of the callers’ questions regarded “nature vs. nurture.” This person actually asked if there was something that a parent could say to their child to ensure their child doesn’t end up going crazy and massacring 32 people (I’m paraphrasing, of course, but not loosely). What is wrong with people? Either this lady:

1. Just wanted to be on the radio and didn’t even consider how ridiculous the question actually was or;
2. Needs some serious parenting classes.

Did she actually expect to get a usable answer? “Well, Ms. X, all you have to say is “Sweety, killing people is a bad idea, and- like magic- it will never happen.”

Yikes. Tragedy definitely brings out the stupid in people sometimes.

*Point of Interest: On Point lists Katherine Newman as the author of Rampage: The Social Roots of School Shootings, but according to Amazon she’s the Editor.