As I read Why I Hate Child Support by Arkie Mama all I could do was nod my head (see below for partial post). Often, the step-mother is forgotten in the melee of divorce, custody, and child support. Arkie Mama provides a stark and realistic view of how ridiculously large child support requirements can crush a new family and act as a lottery winnings for the custodial mom.

In my own experience: Early on, my ex-wife garnished my unemployment of $250/wk. She provided my son with extravagant birthday and Christmas gifts during that time period and left me with so little that I could not even afford the smallest of gifts. Those first couple of years following my divorce crushed my spirit. It has taken a considerable amount of time to pull myself back up, and, even though my partner and I do okay today, we still have to make financial decisions based on the fact that 30% of my income (at one time over 40%) goes to my ex-wife each month. It is also common for my ex-wife to squander the child support and her check and not have enough for necessities like Asthma Medication for my son. Guess who ends up paying for it after a phone call dripping with guilt and pity.

Why I Hate Child Support

Posted by Arkie Mama

This issue has caused more stress in my life and on my marriage than any other. It’s difficult enough to muddle through finances with your partner. Try adding in another household and state laws that make no sense. I am so frustrated and depressed right now. I need to know that at some point, we’ll catch a break. But really, I don’t see how.

I hate child support…

…and the calculations behind it. (Here, it’s based solely on the father’s income and applies only to the children of the divorce. Children from any future marriages are not factored in.)

… Because on the very night I’m trying to figure out how (and when) we can afford to buy some spring/summer clothes for Tootie, Hubs comes back from his ex-wife’s house talking — no, let’s make that “gushing” — about Stepson’s new Wii system.

… Because for the first two years of our marriage, when the ex arrived every other weekend, she always had a list for Hubs of all the “extra” expenses, which usually totaled, on average, about $150 to $200. That’s $300 to $400 a month ON TOP OF child support.

… Because she always left with a check.

… Because when I got pregnant, even though Hubs always paid several hundred dollars a month MORE than required by state law in child support — not just the “extras” but also one-half of day care and, later, after-school care — the ex sued him for additional money.

… Because while I worry each month about how we will afford new shoes or clothes or day care-related expenses or birthdays, holidays, etc… etc… for the kids, his ex is putting in an in-ground pool, ordering custom-made furniture or re-doing their house (for the millionth time) or installing a tikki bar out back.

… Because I never knew what debt was — or how scary it is — until I married a divorced father.

… Because a divorced mom knows for sure she’ll get xxx number of dollars each month whereas a woman married to a divorced dad shuffles and repriortizes and puts off purchases because she has to work with what is left.

… Because most states don’t recognize fathers as parents with the same rights as mothers.