Just a reminder that August 18th is the DC Rally for Shared Parenting. This is an extremely important event. Shared parenting is still not taken seriously by law makers. A great turnout would be a giant step in forcing politicians to face the current imbalance and injustice in our Family Court system.

Many states still need volunteers to coordinate transportation and messaging. If you have the time, the skills, or the know-how, this is a great opportunity to make a significant contribution to equal parenting.

Also, don’t forget to support Robert Pedersen and Rob Mackenzie who will biking from Michigan to Washington DC to raise awareness for equal parenting.

According to OregonLive.com, an Oregon bill that would increase the cost of divorce by $10 to help fund the Domestic Violence Clinic of Lane County Legal Aid & Advocacy Center moved forward recently. While I think that funding for these type of programs is important, it’s troubling that divorce would be so closely tied with domestic violence should the bill pass.

Divorce already has enough negative connotations without adding another one. By requiring divorcing individuals to pay an extra $10 toward domestic abuse programs there is an implied responsibility. The impression is that all, or most, divorces involve domestic violence, which is ridiculous. Why should  a couple that does a wonderful job raising their children be subjected to- essentially- a domestic violence tax based solely on the fact that they are getting a divorce? Domestic violence affects everyone in a community. Not only is the bill discriminatory against those who decide to divorce and adds an unwarranted stigma, but the reasons for the bill itself are a bit confusing.

Apparently, the organization’s grant expires in 2008. Don’t they have grant writers? Are there no other grants available to them? And, if not, then why should only a portion of the community be required to pay for this service. If it is truly a social service, everyone in the community should be required to chip in.

This is just another bill meant to punish divorcing couples and add the atrocious impression that all men who divorce are batterers.

We have had a house guest for the last few days who has been staying in my son’s room. When he arrived I gave him a quick tour. One of the first things that he noticed was that my son had a television in his room. “Ah. I wouldn’t expect anything else,” he said. “You’re such a great dad.” I said thank you. And while I appreciated the sentiment, what I really wanted to say was. “Actually, it’s not letting him watch it constantly that makes me a great dad.” Often, we can learn so much about where we are from the simplest of statements.

I don’t buy into a “stock” method of parenting, and I don’t claim to be a super-parent with all the answers. Like most, I do the best I can. I think many of the perceptions my parents’ generation adhered to still have a lot of value, and some of them are antiquated. Also, I think that there are too many parents today that want to be their kid’s friend, are worried too much about damaging their child for eternity, and read too many self-help books. What happened to learning by doing. With that said here’s a short- and incomplete- list of things I think make a great dad:

1. Saying “No.” even when it’s hard to.
2. Saying “Yes.” when there is not a good reason to say “No.”
3. Turning off the TV and playing a game.
4. Telling the boss “No. I can’t” because you told your child “Yes. I can.”
5. Not lying to your child to save face.
6. Admitting when you’re wrong.
7. Punishing your child when they need it, and sticking with the punishment.
8. Put them to work.
9. Reading with them often.
10. Asking their opinion.

Feel free to comment and add your own. Also, read Create a Weekend Tradition with Your Child for other ideas on spending quality time with your son or daughter.

Here’s something good to know if you’re married and live in Kentucky:

Your wife decides to cheat on you for, oh I don’t know. . . let’s say 7 years. And, she has two children with her lover, who just happens to be her boss. But, she let’s you believe that the children are yours. Like any good father, you raise them. In fact, you take a primary role in their upbringing. Then, she decides she wants a divorce. But, hold the press! The a-hole boss that’s been sleeping with her for 7 years, and is the godparent of one of his own children, decides to have a sudden attack of morality. He wants to father his children, even though both your spouse and the boss have lied and covered their lies for 7 years. You fight for custody. Guess what? You will very likely lose the children you have raised since infants.

This is an actual divorce case from Divorce Law Journal: Divorce and Family Info for Professionals in Kentucky and Beyond.

Therein lies the irony: if a misled husband decides to “run” in order to avoid any parental support obligations, he would be prohibited from doing so by S.R.D. and would remain financially bound to the child, but should he desire to “stay” and maintain a relationship with the child, Consalvi, literally applied, says that he cannot be the de facto custodian and is not entitled to custody or visitation. Fortunately, a man who was led to believe he is the father of a child born during his marriage may be able to maintain a relationship with the child in those instances where the biological father has waived his superior right to custody.

Can someone explain to me how this is different from the following scenario?

I sell you a diamond. I know it’s a fake, but I sell it to you for a premium price. You later have it appraised only to find out it’s a fake. Naturally, you want your money back. I say no. You have hard evidence that I blatantly lied to you during the sell. You go to the police and call the Better Business Bureau. What do you think is going to happen in this case?

Yet, when a CHILD is involved, fraud seems to be acceptable. So acceptable in fact, that the fraudulent parties can maintain custody of the child. That’s a sick, twisted system. What is that child going to be taught?

Advice: Lower your expectations for our Family Court System considerably. Wait. Maybe that’s good Divorce advice.

I was dumbfounded by Hamilton, Ohio’s decision to put Wanted Posters of “deadbeat dads” on pizza boxes a while back. There are so many things wrong with this initiative, primarily the harm it does to the children of those fathers. Overall, however, it’s simply a stupid idea.

That’s why I couldn’t believe that Spotsylvania County in Virginia has decided to follow suit. I can’t say for certain how much money Cynthia Brown, the Director of Child Support Enforcement in Butler County Ohio or the director for Spotsylvania County in Virginia makes per year. However, in Alemeda County California the job is posted at $128,000 to $176,000 per year.

If I were paying someone such a large salary (i.e., if I were a tax payer in one of these counties), I would expect a little more from my government official than fliers on a pizza box. Over $100k per year and this is all these people can muster. Sad. Simply sad. I should mention that the pizza box idea in Spotsylvania didn’t even come from the Director, but rather Leslie Sorkhe, a local citizen.

As with Karen’s Pizzeria in Hamilton, OH, I will actively post about any business that participates in this harmful program in Virginia. And, just like Karens Pizzeria, I will push them down in the search engine rankings.  And, I hope that Father’s 4 Justice protest in Virginia as they did in Ohio.

I’ve been meaning to add financial matters to the topic discussion for quite a while. But, then Alec Baldwin had to go and say some crazy stuff to his daughter and soldiers’ were getting penalized for being deployed and a moron in Saint Louis decided it was a good idea to start a website called National Association Against Baby’s Mamas. Needless to say, I got a little sidetracked. But, with that said, I want to point out a really easy, FREE (yes, for real free) way to start saving money for your child’s college.

I worked for quite some time as an Investment Adviser, and I constantly heard parents saying they wanted to save for their children’s college but couldn’t afford it. I feel that way too. With college tuition increasing more than 40% in the last decade, it seems impossible some days to even have a chance. But, I also know that with saving and investing “the earlier, the better.”

If you have never heard of UPromise or have, but haven’t started using it, now is the time. UPromise makes it easy for parents to save money for their children’s college and it doesn’t cost anything. Here’s the way it works basically: You create an account for your child and register your credit/debit cards. When you make purchases at more than 70,000 participating businesses, a small amount gets deposited in your child’s account. You can also have friends and family sign up. Every parent in America, who has a credit or debit card (i.e., every parent in America) should be taking advantage of this. These small amount can add up fast and every little bit helps. Take the 5 minutes and do it!

Today, I think I’ll take my own advice. I’m going to start one too :).

Update 11:22AM: Jeez, I sound like an infomercial. For the record, I was not paid to write this shining endorsement. Although, getting paid to do it might actually be a better way to get more to money to save for my son’s college :).