Divorced Dads are Equal Parents

Divorced Dads Matter was started by a typical father who was, and is still, constantly amazed at the prevailing social view of fathers as secondary parents and the court systems rubber stamp approval of this attitude.

Practical Information and Support for Divorced and Divorcing Dads

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More Support for My Argument

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008 | Child Support Issues | Eric

I argued against the opponents of co-parenting in Michigan a couple of days ago. The Detroit News ran a great article on the subject. Part of my post refuted the idea that the only one that might be trying to “get even” or have less-than-ideal motives is the non-custodial parent. Also, there was the ridiculous idea that the non-custodial parent only wants the child for more time so they can pay less in child support. What about the custodial parent that wants the other parent to see the child less in order to get MORE child support.

Here’s a post a ran across today from a forum.

I am divorced with 2 children and their father never sees them. It has been less over a month since he has seen them or even talked to them. And the worse part is that he lives in the town as me and the kids. Is there anyway to petition him to give you his rights thru the court and still receive child support? I am worried that if he loses his rights then he no longer has to pay. Is there anyway to get both?

So, you want to revoke the non-custodial parent’s rights, but still get money? Not much moral high ground there. Don’t get me wrong. I completely DON’T understand Dads/non-custodials that don’t want to see their children. But, I’ve also learned that there are two sides to a story, and we don’t know what the other parent’s side is.

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4 Comments to 'More Support for My Argument'

Nessa
May 31, 2008

You need to go back to Twittering so I can keep up with you. :)

Mister-M
June 3, 2008

It’s very interesting that those interested in keeping the horrifyingly broken system in place almost always every use one side of any given argument:

- An NCP only wants more custodial time to pay less child support.

This fails the stink-test on many levels, not the least of which is that parenting time is what tops the list of items that are “in the best interests of the children” - not cash. Further, along with potentially lower CS payments comes increased costs associated with having the children on an increased basis. Finally, an NCP doesn’t spend tens-of-thousands in legal (and other fees) to obtain more custodial time only to save a few hundred (if they’re lucky) in CS costs per month.

You can’t make that argument without giving at least an equal level of credence to the opposite: A custodial-parent doesn’t want the NCP to have more time with the children to keep the already artificially high child support payments - as high as possible.

- The overwhelming majority of the time, I would argue that the custodial parent is the “get-even” parent. a - it’s normally the woman. b - the father has already been decimated emotionally and financially. It’s easy to continue to crush a person’s spirit when they’ve lost so much already.

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen with NCPs… but again, you can’t make only one side of that argument. There are too many publicized experiences (my own being one of them) where the motiviations of the custodial parent is “getting back at the ex” for transgressions real and/or perceived.

~Mister-M

Amanda
June 16, 2008

Thanks for your site! I check it often and totally get your position! I’m a stepmama with a man who has long been, and still is fighting for equal rights and time with his daughter. It’s a tough road, keep your head up :)

Greg
September 8, 2008

I have recently located this site and I have been searching for a specific type of example or forum, so please forgive as I may have over looked what I am looking for. I am divorced and it has been final for a few years now. I am active and see my child every week, and pay child support as agreed. I am not completely satisfied with the decisions I made and the things I agreed to, I want to blame the lawyer, but I can not really. I do feel that if things were explained, all options to a decision I may have made better decisions. I feel gave a bit to much. Dealing with a controlling type personality is very difficult. Is there a forum or petition started for a fiar standard decree. I understand that there are two sides to stories, and the ojective is not pick a side. I can’t stand my ex for my reasons, but I am looking to set a fair standard. I currently believe that if I person can keep themselves clean, sheltered, clothed and fed, then when the child is in there custody, the child is cared for. I understand each situation is a bit different, but when parents have joint custody and both are making decent money, there should be no child support. I know this opens alot of discussion and i currently do have have time to elaborate on everything I am concerned about and feeling, but this is just the tip for now. Thanks. If there is a petetion or group that is looking to start a fair decree, please point it out to me. Thanks.
Good luck fellas.
Greg