Quicksand Arguments
I was reading a post from Glenn Sacks today about Robert Pedersen, who bikes each year from Lansing, MI to Washington D.C. to raise awareness for Shared Parenting. I covered it a lot last year. Anyway, it directed me to an article from the Detroit News about his fight for a joint custody law. It’s a great, balanced article on the shared parenting. Pedersen, and many like him, are fighting to have joint physical custody become the norm, rather than the current sole-physical custody that so many courts award.
What struck me most about this article were the opponents arguments. It’s hard not to let my emotions get involved with this topic since I’m one of those fathers that people feel so empowered to dismiss. But, here are their arguments.
- "They [custodial parents, family law attorneys and domestic violence advocates] say every family is different, and 50-50 custody doesn’t work in every situation.
- "mandating joint custody can sometimes disrupt a child’s stability."
- "non-custodial parents sometimes want joint custody simply to even the score with their ex-partner or to reduce their child support obligation."
- "The 50-50 custody split is more about people not wanting to feel the other parent has won," said Kent Weichmann, chair of the Legislative Committee of the Family Law Section. "It has nothing to do with the relationship with the child. It’s more about who’s winning. It also has to do with paying less child support." (His phone number in case your interested in discussing this comment with him 734-741-8401).
Allow me, if I may, to discuss each of these points and just how absolute ridiculous (and some outright egregious) they are.
- Every family is, indeed, different, which is all the more reason to start at middle and move out. The current assumption of sole custody goes against the idea that every family is different. It assumes one solution. Assuming sole custody does not keep open any room for flexibility, interpretation, or family circumstances. I don’t think any one is saying that 50-50 custody works in EVERY situation. But, the presumption should be that both parents are loving, nurturing, and capable. That seems like a much more logical starting place than assuming only one parent should have sole custody.
- Ripping a child out of their non-custodial parent’s life can also disrupt stability.
- I’d love to see the scientific basis for comment number three. Even the score? So, you’re trying to tell me that no primary custodial parent has EVER sought sole-custody to "even the score" with their ex-partner. That comment is comical. My ex actually SAID in mediation that I shouldn’t have my son more often because I wanted a divorce. And on multiple occasions has outright said, or implied, that I deserve to suffer because she perceives that I have hurt her. So, this works both ways. Besides, we shouldn’t be making laws based on what someone’s motive "might" be. In regards to reducing child support, I would never say that that has never happened. But again, that assumes a motive, not the best interests of the child. Also, the child support reduction is not that significant, because the parent will then have to pay more expenses when the child is with them.
- Finally, all I have to say about this final comment is that it apparently doesn’t require much compassion or intelligence to help shape laws that affect millions. This is just a ridiculous comment that insinuates that ALL non-custodial parents (fathers) are power hungry, 3-year-olds that are upset that they lost at checkers. This is an ice cold comment, implying that these parents don’t have any feelings of loss or love for their children. I can not even put into words how insulting Weichmann’s comment is to all non-custodial parents.
Not a single one of these arguments holds water. They are either arguments that can be easily turned against themselves or have their basis in hunches and personal opinion. Is this REALLY how we want to make decisions that affect families? On stereotypes and TV caricatures?
Join a movement today. Write about shared parenting. Talk about shared parenting.
Resources:
Fathers 4 Justice
Children’s Rights Council of Illinois
American Coalition for Fathers and Children
Cycling4Children
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