I argued against the opponents of co-parenting in Michigan a couple of days ago. The Detroit News ran a great article on the subject. Part of my post refuted the idea that the only one that might be trying to “get even” or have less-than-ideal motives is the non-custodial parent. Also, there was the ridiculous idea that the non-custodial parent only wants the child for more time so they can pay less in child support. What about the custodial parent that wants the other parent to see the child less in order to get MORE child support.

Here’s a post a ran across today from a forum.

I am divorced with 2 children and their father never sees them. It has been less over a month since he has seen them or even talked to them. And the worse part is that he lives in the town as me and the kids. Is there anyway to petition him to give you his rights thru the court and still receive child support? I am worried that if he loses his rights then he no longer has to pay. Is there anyway to get both?

So, you want to revoke the non-custodial parent’s rights, but still get money? Not much moral high ground there. Don’t get me wrong. I completely DON’T understand Dads/non-custodials that don’t want to see their children. But, I’ve also learned that there are two sides to a story, and we don’t know what the other parent’s side is.

I was dumbfounded by Hamilton, Ohio’s decision to put Wanted Posters of “deadbeat dads” on pizza boxes a while back. There are so many things wrong with this initiative, primarily the harm it does to the children of those fathers. Overall, however, it’s simply a stupid idea.

That’s why I couldn’t believe that Spotsylvania County in Virginia has decided to follow suit. I can’t say for certain how much money Cynthia Brown, the Director of Child Support Enforcement in Butler County Ohio or the director for Spotsylvania County in Virginia makes per year. However, in Alemeda County California the job is posted at $128,000 to $176,000 per year.

If I were paying someone such a large salary (i.e., if I were a tax payer in one of these counties), I would expect a little more from my government official than fliers on a pizza box. Over $100k per year and this is all these people can muster. Sad. Simply sad. I should mention that the pizza box idea in Spotsylvania didn’t even come from the Director, but rather Leslie Sorkhe, a local citizen.

As with Karen’s Pizzeria in Hamilton, OH, I will actively post about any business that participates in this harmful program in Virginia. And, just like Karens Pizzeria, I will push them down in the search engine rankings.  And, I hope that Father’s 4 Justice protest in Virginia as they did in Ohio.

So, we were rolling along. The fact that deployed troops are losing their children because of their active duty status has finally begun to attract significant media attention. I posted on this issue last week. Alec Baldwin has brought attention to Parental Alienation Syndrome over the last few weeks, even though the circumstances surrounding it aren’t the best. There has been backlash from some who believe that a father asking for rights must be doing so to subvert someone else’s. But, the issue has gained ground in the media. Overall, there are a couple of issues in the public spotlight that speak to Father’s Rights. It’s great to see.

Then, I turn on the TV to see a group of misguided idiots doing everything they can, it appears, to harm the Father’s Rights and Equal Parenting movements. Fox 2 News in Saint Louis ran a story on a Web site started by a local moron. The site is called National Association Against Baby’s Mamas (NAABM). There is little I can say about this that the video doesn’t say for itself. However, I can not stress enough, in case one of Baby’s Daddies is reading this, that you’re hurting the rest of the fathers in this country who are actually working to improve equal access. So, just stop. Please, for the rest of us, stop acting like high school students. Unless, of course, you are a high school student then carry on.

As I read Why I Hate Child Support by Arkie Mama all I could do was nod my head (see below for partial post). Often, the step-mother is forgotten in the melee of divorce, custody, and child support. Arkie Mama provides a stark and realistic view of how ridiculously large child support requirements can crush a new family and act as a lottery winnings for the custodial mom.

In my own experience: Early on, my ex-wife garnished my unemployment of $250/wk. She provided my son with extravagant birthday and Christmas gifts during that time period and left me with so little that I could not even afford the smallest of gifts. Those first couple of years following my divorce crushed my spirit. It has taken a considerable amount of time to pull myself back up, and, even though my partner and I do okay today, we still have to make financial decisions based on the fact that 30% of my income (at one time over 40%) goes to my ex-wife each month. It is also common for my ex-wife to squander the child support and her check and not have enough for necessities like Asthma Medication for my son. Guess who ends up paying for it after a phone call dripping with guilt and pity.

Why I Hate Child Support

Posted by Arkie Mama

This issue has caused more stress in my life and on my marriage than any other. It’s difficult enough to muddle through finances with your partner. Try adding in another household and state laws that make no sense. I am so frustrated and depressed right now. I need to know that at some point, we’ll catch a break. But really, I don’t see how.

I hate child support…

…and the calculations behind it. (Here, it’s based solely on the father’s income and applies only to the children of the divorce. Children from any future marriages are not factored in.)

… Because on the very night I’m trying to figure out how (and when) we can afford to buy some spring/summer clothes for Tootie, Hubs comes back from his ex-wife’s house talking — no, let’s make that “gushing” — about Stepson’s new Wii system.

… Because for the first two years of our marriage, when the ex arrived every other weekend, she always had a list for Hubs of all the “extra” expenses, which usually totaled, on average, about $150 to $200. That’s $300 to $400 a month ON TOP OF child support.

… Because she always left with a check.

… Because when I got pregnant, even though Hubs always paid several hundred dollars a month MORE than required by state law in child support — not just the “extras” but also one-half of day care and, later, after-school care — the ex sued him for additional money.

… Because while I worry each month about how we will afford new shoes or clothes or day care-related expenses or birthdays, holidays, etc… etc… for the kids, his ex is putting in an in-ground pool, ordering custom-made furniture or re-doing their house (for the millionth time) or installing a tikki bar out back.

… Because I never knew what debt was — or how scary it is — until I married a divorced father.

… Because a divorced mom knows for sure she’ll get xxx number of dollars each month whereas a woman married to a divorced dad shuffles and repriortizes and puts off purchases because she has to work with what is left.

… Because most states don’t recognize fathers as parents with the same rights as mothers.

Alec Baldwin was on The View this past Friday to explain his controversial phone call to his daughter and parental alienation syndrome. Alec, also tries to mention his upcoming book, which I will be reading.

Good for you, Alec and thanks for all you’re doing to shed light on parental alienation syndrome.

Sidenote: Barbara why don’t you shut up and let the man speak.

See my personal apology to Mr. Baldwin.

As reported by Glenn Sacks, Karen Willis- of Karen’s Pizzeria in Hamilton, Ohio- and Cynthia Brown are at it again. They have a new deadbeat dads poster. Sacks suggests calling the Hamilton, OH hot line to let them know what you think about this despicable tactic that hurts fathers, mothers, and their children. Please, by all means, take the 5 minutes to flood their phone lines (513-946-5350). These type of witch-hunt tactics have no place in our society. While you are at it, feel free to contact Cynthia Brown, the director of Child Support Enforcement and creator of this campaign. As long as Karen’s Pizzeria and Cynthia Brown continue to participate, I will continue to post.

An update on my post SEO Professional and Angry Dad: A Dangerous Combination. I now have 4 of the 10 top listings in Google search for “karens pizzeria” and “karen’s pizzeria.” If they keep this up, I may end up with all 10.