I received an email last night from a reader who would like advice on his current relationship woes from other readers . I’ve decided to stay out of this one for now and just see what advice others offer. Here’s the email in its entirety:

Here’s the synopsis:

I’m working on my 2nd divorce. I have 2 children with wife #1. We divorced when my son, now 5, was 6 months old. I also have a daughter who is 7. Their mother lost custody due to physical abuse a little over a year ago; prior to that I had shared 50/50 custody with her. She does not see them now, because she won’t go to a professional monitor, and she’s only allowed monitored visitations.

I met their stepmother when my son was 9 months old. In December, we separated, but she’s still involved with the kids in terms of picking them up and taking them out on occasion to a movie…but doesn’t really see them much (1-2 times a month).

The new girlfriend just informed me she does not think that she can be involved with me if the stepmother is going to remain in the children’s lives at all.

They see step-mom as mom, and even though they don’t spend much time with her I know they love her.

I also very much love my girlfriend.

I also love my kids.

I’m very confused as to how to proceed. On the one hand, I can see how having someone who is no longer related to them would be uncomfortable to us to say the least.

On the other hand, she helped me raise them for most of their lives. Forcing her to leave abruptly doesn’t seem right to me. I’m prone to let the relationships fade naturally as I’m sure they will when life takes us in our separate directions.

Weird. I was just discussing the creation of “civil unions”, or something similar, with a friend an hour ago. As a divorced father who’s been through the Family Court System once, I’m not necessarily so keen on the idea of marrying again- much to my girlfriend’s dismay. My friend and I were discussing the fact that, as a heterosexual, I would love to have the option of a civil union rather than marriage.

Later, while reading some of my Technorati feeds related to divorce I ran across this post about the issue of marriage rights for homosexuals , which is a great post on a common sense approach to marriage.

The article above begins with the statement:

Society largely defines “marriage” as a religious institution, a holy union between man and woman, ordained by God.

Two things strike me about this and have bothered me for years. One, that marriage is deemed a “religious institution.” And, secondly, that it is a “holy union” between a man and a women. So, if it is a religious institution then why is our government in the business of marriage. Does separation of Church and State apply to everything except marriage? And, what if I’m an atheist? Then, by default, is my “legal” marriage not a marriage at all. Is a belief in god a requirement for the feeling of love?

I would love to see an alternative to traditional marriage that enables a man and a woman two people to commit to one another and benefit from the same rights married couples enjoy: beneficiary control, tax breaks, etc. Why is this such a hang up for so many people? Since when does my choice regarding something so intimate as companionship have anything to do with yours? Like I said. . . weird.

If someone had told me the day I separated from my ex-wife that things were going to get difficult, I would have believed them. If they had said, “You know, Eric, you’re going to be angry, depressed, lonely, mournful, and hurt. You are going to cry. . . a lot. You are going to say things you’ve never said, and probably regret several of them. You are going to be devastated financially. In fact, everything you thought you knew about your partner and yourself is going to be brought into question-” I might have bought that as well.

What I didn’t count on- and still struggle with- is my post-divorce attitude toward romance and love. Divorce took my mechanism for embracing romance out to a beautiful, bubbling stream surrounded by wild flowers and woodland creatures and held it under water until it was lifeless. My once “aww schucks” reaction to heartfelt sentiment became nausea. And, really I wish it weren’t.

Of course, I tend to overreact to everything. Those old emotions are starting to wake up a little. Apparently, Divorce forgot to check for a pulse before leaving the stream. But, even with signs of life, it’s different. Now, I’m a little less sure about my own feelings, and I’m a lot more unsure of others. My definition of love has changed. I recognize it’s mortality, and it scares the crap out of me some days. Screw it, I’m just going to base all my decisions on Astrology from now on.