Your Voice
Have a story? Want to tell it? Speak out. Other fathers need your help coping with divorce. Share your experience.
Simply email me your divorce story. Tell me how you overcame a combative ex, what’s your favorite thing about being a dad, or you’re experience with dating after divorce. It’s Your Voice, so it’s up to you. Please remember that while I welcome all perspectives, please refrain from hateful, defamatory, and/or otherwise useless language. I look forward to hearing your story.
Without further ado. . .
Venting
Kevin
I would guess my story isn’t much different than the others you’ve heard. I divorced about 3 year ago and married my high school sweetheart. For me it was a recognition of a mistake that I had made countless years before.
In the previous marriage we had two wonderful boys. I was very close with them and after the separation gained custody of the children. My ex was at best a drifter and at worst an opportunist and a compulsive liar and voluntarily signed away custody of the children. As she slowly got herself into a position to argue for a change of custody (based in large part on her living with a new boyfriend) she began to alienate the boys during each each of their visits. Naïve as I was, I still concluded that having both parents was important. I continually reminded the boys to call, talked with them about issues that bothered them since their mother lived in a different state, comforted them when she failed to deliver on her promises, and funded most of her visits. I had asked for no child support and took on the responsibility of raising them with no financial assistance from the mother. This was in direct contradiction to the opinions of my attorney, but men believe in fairness above all else.
Big Lies
Dave
I have a big problem and my patience is worn out. In March 1997 I was discharged from the Army disabled. The day I got my discharge papers my wife at that time told me she was sleeping w/ some one else and leaving me. Our son was 2 and our daughter was 3 months old.
After my discharge I left the state. She filed for divorce and lied about my income. I was ordered to pay more than I make or even made. [more]. . .
Living Under an Umbrella of Fear
–anonymous
Even before the court date, it was clear that there was no way for a male parent to have any reasonable representation of parental interest in this system. The only times that happens is if the female parent is absent, obviously mentally unstable, or a very bad drug addict.
From then on, I folded. I didn’t have any power, so I worked with that as best I could. I swallowed my anger. I accepted that she insisted I couldn’t have any member of my family look after the child, even if I only wanted to run to the corner store as that was my “time with my son, if I wasn’t spending it with him, then I shouldn’t have him”. That he was sleeping was irrelevant. I put up with blocked visitation whenever [more]. . .
Equal Access, not Tipping the Scales
–Danny
I agree with something I read in a blog tonight. We should not be attempting to tip the balance in favor of fathers, but we should be working to obtain an equal chance to be an equal part in the kid(s) lives. We should not be shouting about how evil all women are because we are bitter about circumstances in our divorce.
My situation is this: I got married Jan 1988 and divorced in July 2000. My kids were 11, 10 and 8. We had been separated about a 9 months prior to divorce. The divorce was my ex-wife’s decision and she surprised me with divorce papers, an ex-parte order preventing me from being on the property of MY house, with claims of being harassing and threatening. Less than 2 months after the divorce was final she got remarried. We lived in a town of about 1200 people. The judge was buddies with my [more]. . .
Greetings from Germany
Dr. Richard S. Larson
I found your blog and have been encouraged and inspired by several of the posts. Although I am in Germany, many of the issues are, of course, the same.
The legal system here is far more mother-centered than in the States, thus I have been skimming over the legal posts. p! The arrangements posts have been more helpful.
I am now two-and-a-half years separated (here, that is a legal status) with twin boys, now 7. The mother is quite active professionally, which has opened a wonderful opportunity for me. In addition to every second weekend that I have the kids, I “watch” the boys two, three, four evenings during the week [The boys have forbidden me to say "babysit"]. Sometimes this means picking them up from day care and bringing [more]. . .
